By: Emily Eileen Moreshead
‘Relax’ used to be the word that I dreaded most from others, because it was almost impossible for me to practice. Lately though it’s the term, ‘let it go’. If I could do it easily, I would. But I worry incessantly about everything.Everything. My family. My job. Anything that could cause stress. I also have severe time control issues. I need to be able to handle everything and have it tied up neatly by a specific end time. Life, however, never works that way. I try to adapt but when you see the world through an always empty glass, it becomes much more difficult.
In my twenties, I remember taking long vacations to Los Angeles, filled with excitement and fun. Today as a woman in my mid-30s, fun seems like a foreign concept. It’s not, it’s just changed. Today I couldn’t imagine taking a vacation. I don’t take sick days. I dont take personal days. I have too many responsibilities and too many concerns. I hardly ever take lunch during the workweek. I can barely get through a weekend without having to deal with office emails. I know what you’re thinking, readers: ‘Just take a day off!’ I hear it a lot but I just can’t do it. The last time I tried, my anxiety levels skyrocketed.
My escape is writing. It is now my new definition of ‘fun’. I love creating characters, scenes, lives, conflict, sorrow, joy…drama.
Drama is universal and when I write I feel connected to a world that envelops us all as people. A world when I navigate alone, feels foreign sometimes. A world that is amazing, beautiful, tragic, sometimes cruel, loving, and safe. When I write, everything comes together and everything feels connected. ‘Letting it go’ feels better on the page than it does in reality. Creativity is a thread that connects writers, readers, dreamers, and those of us that can only ‘let it go’ when they can imagine a world they can understand and navigate.
This is me. Is this you too?